Sparks
by Frosted Dreams 1234
Summary: "Reach for the stars. You were meant for them. You were meant for so much more." That was what her father used to tell her, all the time. So, Kate Anderson decided to aim for the stars. Little did she know just how difficult living in space for five years could be. Title based off of a song by Coldplay. Kirk/OC story
1. Chapter One

****EDIT: This chapter has been edited and updated as of 3/24/18****

 **Chapter One**

"Reach for the stars, Kate," her father would say to her when she tried figuring out what she wanted in life. "You were meant for them. You were meant for so much more.

Those words were what had kept her going throughout her life. She lived by them. She hoped to one day make her father proud of what she had accomplished in life. Even if it meant doing things she never would have dreamed of doing.

She could still remember the nights when he would take her out to observe the stars. He'd bought a telescope for them, and they would spend countless hours looking through it. She would often point out each and every constellation she could see. When she did that, her father would explain to her what each constellation meant. They all had a story that involved the adventure of an explorer eager to see what lay beyond their world.

It had been nearly ten years since the accident that took his life. He along with thirty crew members had been killed in a freak accident on an Engineering vessel. Nothing could have prepared her for the day she received the news that a malfunction occurred on said vessel. Kate's life had quickly begun to spiral out of control when he died. Her mother had passed away giving birth to her due to complications, and she only just began to realize how alone she was.

The only reason she kept going was because of what her father told her. She knew giving up wasn't an option. To quit meant she would lose everything. Yet, that hadn't stopped her reluctance to move forward in life. She'd spent a few months coping with the fact that her father was gone. It wasn't until Admiral Christopher Pike had approached her that she finally changed her mind.

"You have the potential to live up to your father's reputation," he told her when they met for coffee. Kate hadn't been expecting to run into him when she did. She was thankful he stopped her, though. As reluctant as she was to enlist in Starfleet, Pike gave her a valid reason to do so. "I could easily see you becoming a Lieutenant within four or five years after going through the Academy."

"What makes you think I have the quality to become a Starfleet Officer?" she'd retorted with a snort of amusement. "It isn't as if I have anything to offer."

Pike wasn't deterred by her insistence that she wasn't worthy to follow in her father's footsteps. He kept pushing until she finally gave in. He of all people gave her the encouragement she needed to continue her father's legacy. Despite the terrified knot forming in her stomach at the thought of what that meant, she was willing to at least try.

Once she enlisted in Starfleet, Kate moved quickly through her ranks. She planned on becoming a Security Officer, with some background in Engineering. Her father had been a Security Officer and Engineer on the vessel he worked aboard. If she wanted to make a name for herself, she would do so by committing to the same field.

Of course, there were the rumors that red-shirts were cursed. Her father's death had only strengthened the knot of fear she felt each time she thought about where her path led. Some of the Cadets would often joke about the fact that there were bets placed on who would go first. It took everything she had to ignore their quips, especially when she knew that half of the time, they were wrong.

Four years had gone by before she finally graduated and was assigned to her first ship. The whole class was assigned to different ships that were based off of their ranking and scores. To Kate's surprise, and chagrin, she discovered that she was assigned to the USS Enterprise.

Kate had heard just about everything regarding the Enterprise. She recalled tales of how Captain Kirk had boldly rescued Admiral Pike, despite First Officer Spock's orders. The unlikely pair had eventually begun seeing eye to eye after that incident. But, it was after Pike's death that she really began taking interest in the ship and her crew. Despite a madman on the loose, and the betrayal of a Starfleet Admiral, Kirk managed to pull through and save the entire ship.

A shiver swept through her as she thought of Pike and everything he did for her. His death hit her harder than she would ever admit out loud. It was only because of his convincing that she enlisted in the first place. Now, she wasn't sure if she was ready for what lay ahead.

She was _terrified_ of going into space. The familiar knot in the pit of her stomach came rushing back as she stared blankly at the shuttle looming ahead of her. She tried thinking of a million excuses to get away and leave before the shuttle departed. Those who were also assigned to the Enterprise for the five-year mission were already climbing into the shuttle. To Kate, it looked as if they were headed straight for their doom.

Swallowing hard as she studied the data PADD in her trembling hands, she knew there was no backing down. The Council had assigned her to this ship because she was qualified for the task. The small voice in her head kept telling her that that wasn't true. She wanted to _run_. She _tried_ to run. Kate realized with a start that her feet were glued to the floor. Panic began to seep through as she realized that she couldn't move even if she wanted to.

"Standing there all day and gawking at the shuttle ain't gonna get you anywhere, Ensign."

Kate was shaken from her thoughts at the southern drawl of Doctor McCoy. Finally, she was able to spin around in time to see the good doctor eyeing her curiously up and down. Her heart began racing faster than she thought possible as she noticed a familiar face standing beside him.

"Relax, Bones. If you're gonna scare all of my Officers on their first day, they may quit their jobs," the blond replied with a cheeky grin.

"Bones?" Kate winced at the sound of her own voice. It was shaky, resulting in a terrified squeak.

She recognized the blond just about anywhere as Captain James Tiberius Kirk. Rumors flew around about the Captain of the Enterprise. He was impulsive, bold, and one of the bravest Captains in the Fleet. Though she didn't know if those rumors were true, she knew for a fact that he _was_ brave.

"Yep. That's what everyone calls him when he's in this mood." Kirk was undeterred by the fear in her voice. It was enough to make her blink in surprise as McCoy rolled his eyes and brushed his hand off his shoulder.

"The only idiot that gets away with it is you, Kirk," the doctor snapped irritably. "Anyone else learns the hard way I won't tolerate childlike behavior."

He added the last part with a rather loud snort, pushing his way past an amused Kirk. Kate flinched when she noticed Kirk was eyeing her curiously. She hated meeting new people for multiple reasons. The one downfall to her social anxiety had become a major handicap over the years, and she had a feeling it wouldn't get any better on the ship.

"So, just who might you be?" he asked after an uncomfortable silence fell between them.

More crew members were walking past them. Kate hadn't missed that a few of them had stopped when they noticed who she was staring at. Heat rose to her cheeks as her mouth fell open and closed a few times. She suddenly felt like a deer caught in the headlights as words failed to produce.

"E-Ensign Anderson, sir," she replied, wincing once again when she stammered, "K-Kate Anderson."

She hated the fear in her voice. It made her sound like a timid mouse facing a cat. And the cat in question was just grinning like an idiot. That only made her feel worse when she realized he probably didn't know how to respond to her lame response.

"There's no need for formality, Anderson," he finally cut through the awkward silence that followed. He added the last part with a charming smile. Kate had to bite her tongue to keep herself from responding with something that would make things worse.

"R-Right… sorry, sir," she quickly apologized.

She averted her eyes, hoping to look at anything but him. Most of all, she hated herself for being so terrified of speaking to new people. She realized with a start that Kirk was probably waiting for some kind of explanation to her odd, evasive behavior. Instead of saying anything, she quickly excused herself and scurried away faster than she thought possible.

Kate sucked in a breath of relief when she managed to reach the shuttle without meeting anyone else. She couldn't help but shrink into her seat, desperately hoping no one would speak to her during the ride. As the shuttle took off, she couldn't help but glance out the window curiously.

The windows themselves were tiny, but she was able to make out a view of the Enterprise. Kate's eyes widened with awe at the sight before her.

The Enterprise itself was a massive ship. What made her stand out was that the Enterprise happened to be the flagship of the Fleet. Kate knew from experience that a ship that huge would always endure some kind of adventure along the way. A small part of her was looking forward to it, while another part of her felt terrified. One way or another, she was in for a wild ride.

…

Captain Kirk was generous enough to give everyone a chance to settle in and get to know their roommates before the ship officially launched. It was a kind gesture that Kate wasn't expecting. After all, most of the crew was already familiar with itself. The five-year mission meant that at least a hundred new crew members had been assigned to the ship. Yet, there were still those who had been around since the Battle of Vulcan.

So, it was with that notion that Kate arrived in her room on Deck Four. She sucked in a heavy breath when the familiar knot formed in her stomach. She glanced around warily. Her eyes tried taking in everything at once.

The sleeping quarters were exactly what she expected. Small. Cramped. She hadn't missed the fact that two beds were placed on either side of the small room. A closet where their uniforms and possibly extra clothing was placed on one end of the room. On the other was a bathroom that looked as if it barely fit one person, let alone two.

Kate blinked in surprise when she noticed a suitcase perched on one of the beds. Sitting on said bed was a young looking, petite woman with reddish brown hair.

"Hi. You must be Kate Anderson, right?" the woman asked in a pleasant voice.

She simply nodded anxiously in response. The grip on her own suitcase handles had tightened.

"Rose Conrad." the woman suddenly introduced herself after an awkward silence hung in the air, "I'm working as an Engineering Officer under Mr. Scott."

For a moment, all Kate could do was stare at the other woman. Her mouth fell open before she closed it again and took another deep breath. If she was going to talk to someone she didn't know, she wanted to keep herself from getting overwhelmed with anxiety.

"I'm working as a Security Officer, though I'm also qualified to work in Engineering as well," she explained once she found her voice. She offered a small smile, and Rose finally returned the gesture. "I guess that means we're both red shirts."

Rose's face fell the moment she mentioned the 'red shirts'. By now, she'd heard just about every rumor that revolved around those wearing a red shirted uniform. Quite a few Cadets had been terrified of the prospect when they heard said rumors. The head instructor of her class had informed everyone that if they didn't make impulsive decisions or pull off risky stunts like most people did, they would be fine. Though, Kate couldn't help but wonder how right he had been.

"Tell me you don't believe that rumor?" she groaned in a voice full of disdain. "I've heard my entire family complaining over the fact that I not only abandoned them, but chose a 'failed' position as well."

Kate couldn't help but look back in embarrassment after realizing too late what she implied. The last thing she wanted was for them to start off on the wrong foot. Rose had been friendly enough, but she didn't want to push her luck. Especially since it meant they would spend the next five years together as roommates.

"I-I'm sorry," she stammered as she tried apologizing. "I've never believed those rumors, but everyone tried talking about them during classes… I always assumed the rumors were false because the instructor kept telling us they weren't, and—"

"Kate, relax," Rose cut her off before she could continue rambling. "I was only joking; everyone knows about that rumor."

That didn't make her feel any better. Kate had to take a deep breath to ease her already frayed nerves. Rose watched curiously as she finally calmed down enough that they could talk without her rambling on and on. She had a tendency to do just that when she was nervous, or stammer constantly over what she wanted to say.

 _I hate not being able to tell everyone what I need to say_ , she thought bitterly. It was a side-effect from her nervous reaction. The doctors had insisted that there was medicine for those side-effects, but each prescription had ended in miserable failure on their part as well as hers.

"So, where are you from, exactly?" she finally asked once she calmed down enough.

Rose gestured for her to take a seat on the bed, and she did just that.

"Would you believe me if I said I was raised on a colony?" she asked shyly. Kate rose an eyebrow in surprise, and Rose gestured for her to take a seat, "My mother and father were part of a science division on Radia, a small planet not far from New Vulcan. They've been working on developing a new method for Vulcan Hybrids, since it's becoming more common. I was given a chance to enlist in Starfleet, and I jumped on the opportunity."

For a moment, Kate was taken aback at Rose's story. She'd heard of stories about families from Earth living in different colonies across the galaxies. Quite a few of them had lived in family groups and eked out a living on what little rations they had in distant colonies. Kate couldn't imagine what her life would have been like had she grown up in a similar setting.

"They must have been proud that you enlisted in Starfleet," she murmured thoughtfully.

"I don't know… we haven't exactly been in contact with each other since I chose to enlist," she explained with a small shrug. "My parents worked closely with Vulcans, and I think they were hoping I would somehow get involved with the VSA. The problem is, the odds of humans getting excepted are so slim that I knew I wouldn't stand a chance. I enlisted in Starfleet and got accepted within a few weeks, and left without warning them."

Not for the first time, Kate found herself biting her tongue as realization dawned on her. Throughout her lifetime, she'd taught herself not to get nosy and try to figure out someone's life story for this reason. Asking the wrong question and then implying the wrong assumption always seemed to be a problem of hers.

"I-I'm so sorry," she whispered, suddenly aware that Rose could hate her for being so nosy.

"Don't be," Rose offered a genuine smile, "I wasn't expecting their approval, when I made my choice clear. What they do in their own time is their problem, not mine." She added the last part with another shrug, though, that didn't make Kate feel any better. "So, what about you? I'm sure you have some reason for enlisting."

Kate looked down at her lap, feeling another pang of regret and grief at the thought of why she enlisted in the first place.

For so long, she kept telling herself that it was because it had been the right thing to do. Pike was the one who encouraged her to enlist. He said she had potential. Yet, that didn't stop the seed of doubt from sewing itself. The familiar flicker of fear kept returning as she thought of everything that could and would go wrong as soon as she was assigned to a ship.

"My father died in a freak accident six years ago," she explained, wincing when she felt a lump form in the back of her throat. It may have been six years ago, but it still felt fresh in the back of her mind. "He was assigned to help a ship with some engine problems when there was a malfunction. He along with thirty other crew members died, that day."

She squeezed her eyes shut. She rarely talked about her father around the few friends she had. Talking about him only brought back painful memories of that fateful day she returned from work. A Starfleet Officer dressed in a gray uniform had arrived at her apartment with the worst news she could have received. Pike had been the first to stop by and help her process the information that her father was gone. He'd helped with everything, from funeral arrangements to what her father had left behind.

"I'm so sorry," Rose exclaimed. She held a hand to her mouth as her eyes widened in disbelief. "I had no idea—"

"It's okay," Kate cut her off before she could finish. She offered a small smile of her own to show that she wasn't too effected, "The first couple of months were difficult, but I eventually learned to accept that some things can't be changed. I don't think he wanted me to dwell on what I lost and move on from it."

 _He would have wanted me to grow from that experience_ , she told herself silently.

Her father had always been a brave, kind soul. He was constantly encouraging her even after death with the stories he would tell her when he was alive.

"But, you lost your father… I can't even imagine going through something like that," Rose shook her head, "I mean, I know I don't get along with _my_ parents, but I… I'm overreacting, aren't I?" She added the last part with a nervous chuckle as Kate returned the gesture once more, trying to make things a little easier for both of them.

"I'll move on… Besides, he's part of the reason I enlisted in Starfleet, in the first place," Kate pointed out.

By the time they tried laughing off their uneasiness over the subjects of parents, Rose had offered Kate to choose which side of the room she wanted. After getting to know Rose a little better, Kate didn't care which side she chose. So long as she had a bed to sleep on after a long day of work, she was happy.

Kate set her suitcase on the bed beside the window, happily taking it after Rose admitted she would prefer having a wall to sleep against, rather than a window. She quickly started unpacking her clothing, having only packed about a week's worth since they would be in uniform most of the time.

It wasn't until she was halfway finished with her packing when Kate finally received a message from Giotto regarding her preparation for starting her shifts. He expected her to stop by medical the next morning and get an exam done by McCoy. After that, she needed to report for duty and figure out her status among his ranks.

"Good luck with that exam," Rose muttered after Kate told her what she had to do, the next morning. "I've heard McCoy isn't the easiest person to get along with."

"You're telling me," Kate sighed in agreement once she set aside her data PADD and zipped up her suitcase, "I met the doctor this morning, and he nearly bit my head off. I swear, he would've burned a hole in my head if the Captain hadn't intervened."

Both women started laughing at that. Kate knew she was just exaggerating, but, McCoy did scare her. His gruffness and the way he seemed to get easily irritated told her she did not want to get on his bad side. Which was easier said than done.

With that thought in mind, and, an early start to the morning ahead, neither were in any hurry to do anything else that night. Kate had already gathered her necessary uniform, and gotten a meal at the mess hall. All she wanted, now, was a good night's sleep.

* * *

 **AN: So, this is a new story that I've come up with... updates are probably going to be slow, just a heads up. Unless people are interested in it, and would like to see a continuation, please let me know in a review! I also apologize in advance if this seems choppy... it's been a while since I've posted anything new, or, anything in general. My other Fanfiction is also slow on updates, mostly due to writer's block.**

 **Any ideas that I come up with in regards to planets are usually made up. I try and do some research in regards of the Original Series, but, most of the time, I try and make up my own. As for the idea regarding the Vulcan Hybrids and the issues they are facing, credit goes to TomFoolery and his story, No Winter Lasts Forever.**


	2. Chapter Two

**EDIT: This chapter has been updated as of 3/24/18**

 **Chapter Two**

Working for Starfleet was anything but easy.

Kate had quickly learned at the Academy that they wanted Cadets to bring out the best in themselves. At the time, she never knew what they meant by that. She never struggled in her classes. She never challenged the instructors when she knew something they informed the class of was wrong. She was always the good student who listened and never once showed any backbone. Everyone knew that Kate was nothing more than a coward who was terrified of confrontations.

What they didn't know was that she had trouble waking up early in the morning. The Academy had drilled Cadets at random times of the night or day to keep them on high-alert. According to the instructors and the Council, everyone needed to be ready for an attack. She learned the hard way that waking up early in the morning meant dealing with every other Cadet. It had taken months for her to adjust to the random alarms that would blare as loudly as possible, sometimes causing her to fall unceremoniously from her bed to the floor.

The last thing she expected was to face a similar situation on the Enterprise of all places.

She nearly squealed in surprise when a loud air-horn sounded in their room. Her body collided into the floor in a loud thud, causing the sheets that once kept her warm to fall around her. She winced at the sound of laughter exploding in the background.

Whoever decided to wake her up was going to pay. Everyone knew that she wasn't a morning person. They'd learned the hard way that unless a cup of coffee or some caffeinated beverage was involved, she would make their lives hell.

She groggily lifted her head as her eyes adjusted to the blinding light filtering the room. To her annoyance and disbelief, Rose was standing nearby with an alarm clock in one hand and a uniform in the other. Rose was fighting back a fit of giggles when Kate began recovering from her initial surprise.

"Looks like someone is still having trouble adjusting to life on a ship," the auburn-haired woman informed her with a chuckle, "Don't worry, I won't hold it against you. Before long, you'll be the first of us to wake up before the alarm clock goes off."

"Say it isn't so?" Kate let out a sigh of exasperation. She didn't want to know how Rose adjusted the alarm clock to make it sound like an air-horn. Rose must have known it would wake their neighbors, because she heard loud shuffling and curses from the walls around them. "This isn't exactly the kindest way to wake someone."

"No, but it is on the first official day of work," Rose replied while struggling to hold back another laugh. She set the clock back down at her nightstand and looked at Kate seriously, "We've got Alpha shift, which means we start early and end early in the day."

Kate sat up straighter at the mention of Alpha shift. She hadn't thought about it that way. The last few hours of the other evening had been spent talking with Officer Giotto. Giotto was the Chief Security Officer aboard the Enterprise, and he wasn't afraid to throw his weight around those who deserved it. Fortunately, he'd been pleasantly surprised with her credentials and had placed her on Alpha shift despite the complaints Owen Green had made. He was an older Officer and had made it clear that he should have had seniority, though Giotto had none of his complaints.

"This isn't about seniority," he'd made that perfectly clear when Green took a hostile turn towards Kate and a few other Officers around her, "This is about who is the best at what they do."

She had a feeling that wasn't entirely how things worked on the ship, but she wasn't complaining anytime soon.

"I think I'm going to hate getting up early in the morning," she grumbled.

She stood up and snatched her uniform from Rose's waiting hand, heading for the bathroom to change. They' already made arrangements of who would get the shower first and how changing would work. Though she wasn't above changing in front of another woman, she still felt the familiar shame crawling through each time she did.

"Now, if I remember correctly, you have a medical exam that you were complaining about the other day," Rose informed her as they headed for the mess hall. "I'm assuming Doctor McCoy scheduled it before your shift?"

Kate's brows furrowed at the mention of Doctor McCoy. Of all the people she dreaded meeting on the ship, he was the worst. She hated doctors for a reason. He hadn't seemed too abrasive back in the shipyard, but that didn't mean she wanted to put her trust in him.

"Of all the things I have scheduled in my life, I think a medical exam is my least favorite," she muttered.

Rose threw her a skeptical look when she reached for a tray and ordered something small from the replicator. She was already aware that her stomach was churning with anxiety at the thought of her exam. If she wanted to get through it without throwing up, eating lightly was a must.

"If it makes you feel any better, there's plenty of other people on the ship who feel the same way," Rose pointed out as if she knew how everyone on the ship behaved.

Kate only rolled her eyes as they sat down. She didn't have much time between now, her medical exam and getting to work. The last thing she wanted was to put on a bad impression with Giotto after the way he praised her credentials the other day.

"It's not just getting a medical exam that makes me feel nervous… in case you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly good with meeting new people," she admitted sheepishly.

They sat there in uncomfortable silence while Kate contemplated on ways of getting out of her medical exam. Anything was better than having to face a doctor with terrible bedside manners.

"What exactly is it about doctors that you don't like?" Rose asked curiously.

That was enough for Kate's face to falter. She looked at anything but Rose when she thought of how many times the doctors tried prescribing anxiety medicine, only for it to fail. The doctors would then pin the blame on her for said failure. To make matters worse, she'd suffered from depression because of that medicine. It had taken months for her to fully recover from the side-effects the medicine gave her, and longer still to recover from the shock that the medicine was causing said side-effect.

"It's complicated," she murmured, suddenly feeling self-conscious. "I should probably get going."

She added the last part a little faster than she would have liked. Rose eyed her skeptically when she noticed how tense she was at the mention of 'doctor'. Just about anything could set her over the edge. She hated the feeling of terror that gripped her when it came to facing her medical exams. Worst still was knowing that sooner or later, she would have to explain the reason behind said terror.

With a heavy sigh, she made a mad dash for the medical bay as quickly as she could. Luckily, tours had been offered the day before the official launch. Kate had to memorize where everything was located because of her job. Getting lost on a ship this massive was not an option, as far as she was concerned.

The moment Kate arrived was when she stopped mid-stride. She could see nurses and doctors rushing to and from their posts. The scene itself appeared almost chaotic. Kate narrowed her eyes with a start when she noticed that this was more like controlled chaos. Most of the staff clearly knew where they were going, and what needed to be done as quickly as possible.

"When I said I wanted this place clean and organized, I meant yesterday!" she heard the familiar southern bark of a doctor in the background, clearly irritated with the fact that things had not gone his way.

Kate found herself shrinking when she was met by the same man from the hangar bay the other day who'd scolded her for staring. Doctor Leonard McCoy. The infamous doctor that everyone tried avoiding at all costs, unless they were really sick and needed immediate care. The rumors certainly didn't disappoint, as Kate soon noticed. She suddenly wished that a hole would open up and swallow her when the doctor in question eyed her up and down.

"I-I was uh, told that I have a medical exam scheduled for this morning," she explained meekly.

"Congratulations. You're one of the few crew members who actually decided to show up on time." Kate only grimaced at the tone of his voice. He grabbed a tricorder sitting on a table next to a biobed. She was already struggling to control the shakiness of her legs in a desperate attempt to keep him from figuring her out. If he knew she suffered from severe anxiety, she suspected he'd scratch her off the list of suitable crew members within minutes. "Hop on a biobed; this shouldn't take long."

She gave a nod and did just that. Years of training at the Academy taught her to automatically obey whatever the doctor ordered. Despite the fear that threatened to overwhelm her, she knew better than to argue. Especially when McCoy had authority over her.

As McCoy reached her and began scanning her vitals with a tricorder, Kate struggled to ignore the device. She tried staring at anything but the device or McCoy. His rough yet quick movements were a sure-sign that he'd done this more times than he probably cared to count.

"Your blood pressure's higher than it should be," he remarked after reading the scans.

She chewed the bottom of her lip when she recognized the signs of an anxiety attack. High blood pressure had become a frequent problem when she started taking medication for them. It had become such a problem that the doctors had to find another solution to her issues.

"I'm sorry," she half-mumbled.

An apology was next to useless to a doctor. They would find some way of treating it if they needed to.

"Does it run in the family?" McCoy frowned when he finally looked at her seriously this time.

Her heart began racing a little faster than she would have liked as she refused to make eye contact. She'd looked into her family's medical history years ago. The only thing she noticed was that her mother's family had been diabetic. Though, Kate suspected that was the least of her worries.

"Not that I'm aware of," she replied. She wanted to ease the tension as much as she could. She finally took a deep breath, hoping that would help. "I've just gotten nervous around doctors is all."

McCoy threw her a withering look that could have burned holes into her skull. She flinched under his piercing gaze, suddenly feeling more self-conscious than ever. It wasn't as if she wanted to be nervous. Her last few visits had ended so badly that she simply refused to visit them. At the point where they'd given up finding whatever treatment they could for her anxiety, she'd given up on them.

"Yeah, well, don't be nervous," he finally scoffed after brushing it off with a light rebuke, "Despite what half the crew says, I don't bite."

Kate couldn't help but crack a smile at that. She certainly wasn't expecting him to crack a joke, especially after the tension from earlier.

"You could've fooled me with the way you acted the other day," she retorted.

"Darlin', you'd be losin' your mind too if you had to put up with someone as impulsive and childlike as Kirk," McCoy pointed out with a rather loud snort. By now, Kate was struggling not to grin. She wondered how many other people were capable of getting away with insulting the Captain so easily. "Kid gets into too many accidents for my liking."

"Is that any way to talk about your Captain behind his back, Bones?"

"Speakin' of childlike Captains," McCoy grumbled under his breath. Kate just tried to keep a straight face when Kirk sauntered into medbay, clasping his hands together as he slouched on a chair and ignored the scowl written across McCoy's face. He'd already reached for a hypospray, returning to Kate's side seconds later, "Jim, I've got better things to do than listen to whatever scheme you're cookin', and I'd rather not get involved with any of them."

Kate tried to hold back a yelp when he jabbed her arm with a hypospray. She didn't bother asking what it was for – at this point, she just wanted to get out as Kirk got McCoy riled up over whatever he was planning.

"Relax, Bones," Kirk rolled his eyes and leaned forward, "You make it sound as if I've made it my life's goal to drag you down with me."

"Really? Last time you nearly got us killed on a damn planet that was about to be destroyed by a volcano," McCoy growled out, "And, lets not forget you nearly dyin' on me after the housings were misaligned."

By now, Kate was struggling not to laugh as she saw the face Kirk made at McCoy's pointed response. She could still remember the shock she felt upon hearing what had happened prior to the five-year mission. Kirk had sacrificed his life to save the entire crew, and, the rest of the crew along with Spock put a stop to a madman known as Khan. She knew a crew like this was difficult to come by, these days.

"Are you finished with my exam, doctor?" Kate spoke up for the first time, hating to cut into their conversation.

She was already nervous as it was without having an angry doctor hovering over her with those hyposprays. One wrong move could lead to disaster, and, she didn't plan on spending anymore time in this place than she needed to. Luckily, McCoy seemed to realize that she was still there and acknowledged her with a curt nod.

"Yeah, you're done," he replied gruffly.

"Hold up a moment, Ensign Anderson." Kate stiffened when Kirk spoke up after she hopped off the biobed. Had she done something wrong? She tried to hide the anxiety dancing across her face as she looked at Kirk, who ignored the snort of annoyance McCoy gave after returning to his post in medbay, "You're working for Officer Giotto, right?"

"Yes, sir," she replied, hating the fact that her voice nearly came out as a squeak.

Kirk just looked at her in amusement as they headed out of medbay. She was doing everything she could to avoid the curious stares of fellow crew members walking past them. After talking with Kirk for the first time in the hangar bay, she didn't know what to make of him. Sure, he was handsome as hell, and could probably write a book on the things he did, but, she couldn't stop herself from being nervous around him.

"I was wondering if I could have a word with him about a planet we've been assigned to explore in a couple of days," Kirk began after they reached a turbolift. Kate struggled to hide the heat from rising to her cheeks when she realized how close they were standing together. "You okay, Ensign?"

"I'm just… really nervous," she admitted, mentally scolding herself for acting that way.

 _What is wrong with you, Anderson_? she yelled at herself silently. _Act like a full-grown adult, and a freaking Starfleet Officer_! _This is what you trained for_!

"Relax, Anderson." Kate's heart nearly skipped a beat when she felt his deep blue eyes boring through her, "I'm off duty, at the moment. There's no need for formality."

She finally let out a rush of air she hadn't realized she was holding when the turbolift reached its destination. She really did need to get a better hold of these anxiety attacks. They weren't going to help her when she was part of the away team.

"I'll be sure to pass the message on to Giotto, sir," Kate informed him after spotting a few fellow Security Officers.

Relief swept through her once she stepped off the turbolift. Considering she was just an Ensign, with a nervous disorder that would surely get noticed sooner or later, it amazed her that Kirk had spoken to her at all. On top of that, he could just as easily tell Giotto himself whatever needed to be said. She held back a sigh, knowing that this was only just the beginning of their five-year mission. If she couldn't get past one day without having an anxiety attack while speaking to the Captain or the Chief Medical Officer, she knew she was in trouble.

* * *

 **AN: I honestly have no idea where I'm going with this XD I've got a basic plot written down, and that's what's guiding me, for now. I actually do have a reason for Kate's nervousness, which will be explained in the next chapter. Also, I wasn't expecting this kind of feedback, considering this is my first attempt at writing a story that doesn't follow the movies. With that thought in mind, thank you Guest, Ree923, Love. Fiction. 2017, Howling2themoon, and Fearless by Past for reviewing!**

 **Guest - Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it! :)**


	3. Chapter Three

**EDIT: This chapter has been edited as of 3/24/18**

 **Chapter Three**

"The Captain is expecting the best out of my Officers, so I expect you to give me your best!"

Kate had been standing at the ready upon hearing Giotto's orders. She was trying to work over the knot of anxiety that began overwhelming her. Thinking about Kirk's random announcement about exploring a planet had left her mind churning with anxiety. He'd mentioned that he wanted Officers who were skilled in their line of work. And though she was still young and fresh out of the Academy, he'd looked at her pointedly at the time.

A lump formed in the back of her throat. She needed to focus on the task ahead. Other Officers had already sprung into action. Some reached for their phasers while others sparred with each other. Giotto had also set up a simulation that sent them to different planets. Kate had seen a few Officers return from said simulation, most of them looking as if they'd seen better days. Experience taught her that the simulation would only be used as a last resort.

 _On a planet, we have to be prepared for anything to happen_ , she reminded herself.

Class-M planets were the most likely threat to occur during expeditions. The instructors at the Academy explained that some Class-M planets were known for having some of the most hostile creatures on the surface, along with Earth-like qualities.

With that thought in mind, Kate reached for a phaser and began firing at the nearest target ring. She was aware of her shaky hands that made firing a bit more difficult. With Giotto watching from behind, her nerves skyrocketed. She had to swallow the lump forming in her throat before it overwhelmed her.

"I've been practicing, even after I graduated from the Academy," she explained after she finished, relieved to see that most of her shots had reached the target.

Her father used to show her some of the best ways to handle a phaser. Once she turned thirteen, he did everything he could to make sure she knew how to defend herself. He always claimed that it was better if she could protect herself if anything ever happened to him. Now, Kate understood what he meant by that.

"It's good to know that your skills aren't rusty, Ensign Anderson," Giotto nodded his approval. Kate couldn't hide the beam of pride that followed as she ducked her head in embarrassment. She wasn't expecting that kind of praise, especially when she knew there were those who were more qualified for the job. "Now, what are we supposed to do in a face-off against a Klingon warrior?"

"Pray that everyone else on the team is slower and get the hell out of there."

Kate nearly rolled her eyes at the sound of Owen Green's voice. Though he managed to keep his snide comment quiet, Giotto heard him loud and clear. The Chief Security Officer reached him, along with the others who chuckled around him.

"That's a good way to get yourself killed, Lieutenant," he snapped without missing a beat. "I expect better behavior from every Officer in this motley crew, you hear me?" When Green didn't answer, Giotto took that as a 'yes' and moved on, "Would anyone else like to provide a real answer?"

"The best thing to do is stun them, disarm them, then if you're lucky, ask to be beamed up," she stated, earning looks of surprise from everyone around her. Barely three days into their jobs, and they'd all begun to notice her nervous disposition. So, they were entirely surprised to find her speaking out boldly like this, "If that doesn't work, negotiation or death may be your only options."

Negotiating with a Klingon wasn't completely out of the question. They held themselves in high esteem and honor. She suspected if one was able to formulate a story that held enough value to it, the Klingons might be willing to listen. Though, she wasn't above killing or stunning them if she needed to. Especially if it meant saving another crew member.

"Good answer, Anderson," Giotto gave a nod. It may not have been the best answer, but, it was certainly better than Green's answer. "Alright, I'm assigning Ensign Anderson, Lieutenant Green and Lieutenant Hawkins on this mission. All three of you better be ready for tomorrow."

For a moment, Kate wasn't sure if she'd heard right. Her eyes widened in surprise when she realized he was being dead serious about her joining the rest of the away team. Kirk had already mentioned that the helmsman, Hikaru Sulu, was also joining them to study the various plant life of the planet they were exploring. That meant there would be five people on the away team. Five people she didn't know much about.

She could already feel the panic rising in her chest as she imagined everything going wrong in a split second. Images of a ship splitting apart and exploding in the depths of space flashed across her mind. Kate had to take a shallow breath as she steadied herself, avoiding the curious looks fellow crew members gave her. The last thing she wanted was to remember the Officer that came to her door one morning, reporting that her father had died in that accident.

"Is everything alright, Anderson?" Hawkins looked at her worriedly when she noticed how pale Kate had gotten.

She swallowed hard. The sudden wave of nausea disappeared by the time she managed to steady herself. She knew that things would go horribly wrong if she had another panic attack. Seeing Hawkins' worried look only added to her need to get over these anxiety attacks.

"I'll be fine," she lied halfheartedly. Hawkins just eyed her doubtfully when she noticed everything was clearly _not_ fine. Relief swept through Kate when Hawkins decided to drop it. "It was just another damn anxiety attack," she added under her breath as they disappeared into the turbolift.

…

Rose had been ecstatic when Kate passed on the news to her. After managing to calm herself down once everyone was gone, Kate met her at the mess hall where they could have dinner together and talk about their day. It seemed that was the best time to just talk and wind down after a full day of work. Besides, it gave Kate the perfect opportunity to figure out how she would handle the mission that was supposed to happen, tomorrow.

"I have to admit, this is pretty dang exciting," Rose said once she finished chewing her salad and swallowed, "I mean, your first official mission with the Captain, and a Command Officer!"

"Don't remind me," Kate shook her head, swallowing hard at the thought. She didn't have the stomach to eat anything. Not with the knot forming in her stomach, twisting and churning each time she thought of how this would go horribly wrong. "All I want is for things to go smoothly, with no casualties."

"Well, that's a pretty good wish," her roommate mused thoughtfully, "But, it sounds as if you're not looking forward to this."

"Is it that obvious?" Kate frowned when she caught the look Rose was giving her.

"Sweetheart, I think anyone could tell that you're having some kind of panic attack," she quipped. "You wanna talk about it? I'm guessing this isn't something most Security Officers should be facing."

Kate couldn't help but look down at the table, and her empty tray of food. It wasn't exactly something that she _had_ talked about with anyone. Ever since her doctors tried prescribing the medicine to control her anxiety, she knew better than to share that kind of information with them. Yet, it would be good to at least tell someone who would more than likely avoid telling anyone else.

"I uh, suffer from severe anxiety," she finally admitted, earning a look of disbelief from Rose, "It was never really an issue until after my father died… I try not to think badly of him, but, my life changed dramatically, after that."

Understanding lit within Rose's eyes. Yes, it was something she didn't enjoy talking about. Yes, she got anxious just talking about it. No, she didn't feel anxious now, strangely enough. Instead, she felt disappointment as she continued staring at the table.

 _Some Starfleet Officer I turned out to be_ , she thought bitterly. How many other Officers suffered from something like this? Most of the attacks usually happened at random. The worst part of said attacks were that they happened at the worst possible time. She had no other explanation for them. The doctors kept claiming that the occurred because she'd suffered through trauma in her life, but they couldn't explain how that would have happened.

"Kate, I'm so sorry," Rose whispered when she realized the reason behind Kate's nervousness. "I've heard stories about anxiety attacks, but… how exactly were you accepted into Starfleet, if it is such a problem?"

"I was accepted on the terms that I take treatment for it," she explained with a shrug, "You see, the doctors found a new medical treatment that could affect the brain during an anxiety attack… the problem was, the medicine they prescribed to me caused depression." She swallowed hard as she remembered one incident that had landed her in the hospital for nearly a week, and an angry Admiral Pike who had been asked to watch her until she made a full recovery, "When Pike found out what they were doing, he called it off immediately. Said I didn't need it, and that I can take care of myself."

The auburn-haired woman looked at Kate thoughtfully as she realized the severity of the situation. The truth of it was, Kate knew she would have gotten herself killed if she continued taking that medicine. It was one of the many reasons Pike had them removed from her medical procedures. The doctor had reluctantly agreed it was necessary that she be taken off the medicine, for her own sake.

"Wow… I guess that explains why you're not a fan of doctors," Rose murmured after finishing the last of her salad, "I mean, it makes sense when I think about it."

She simply nodded in agreement, already aware that things would be different had she refused to enlist. Pike was actually the one who encouraged her, reminding her that she had more potential than most. The only reason she agreed with Pike was because it would honor her father's memory.

"I'm sorry for spilling this out on you," she apologized, suddenly feeling embarrassed for having told her as much as she could.

"Hey, I'm glad you did," Rose offered a smile, catching Kate by surprise, "You know, talking actually helps. If there's ever anything you need to talk about, feel free to let me know; I'd be more than happy to help."

Kate couldn't hide the smile that followed when she realized what Rose was implying. Even her old roommate back at the Academy hadn't been this kind. Sure, they talked and studied together, but, most of the time it was awkwardly quiet in the dorm. It was the first time she could really call someone her friend.

"Thank you," she whispered, grinning sheepishly as she glanced around the mess hall.

The place was buzzing with activity as word of what was happening tomorrow spread. Kate hadn't missed how everyone already seemed to have formed their own circle of friends. It hadn't even been a week. Kate supposed that for most people, it was easier to make friends and talk when they weren't so afraid things would go horribly wrong.

"What are you going to do about tomorrow?" Rose asked, breaking Kate out of her train of thoughts.

She shrugged and focused on a few crew members who were laughing at a joke they passed around the table, "I don't know… I haven't really given it much thought."

Raising an eyebrow in surprise, Rose pushed her tray to the side and looked at Kate seriously, "Look, if you're having problems with your anxiety, maybe you should try some breathing exercises to see if that helps calm you down. Or, try thinking of something else."

"Right, because that's worked so well, before," Kate nearly rolled her eyes at the thought.

She did try breathing exercises to see if they would work. On occasion, they did. The problem was, she didn't know the main cause of the attack until it was too late. About the only thing she truly knew was that she hated talking to new people.

"Just give it a try, okay?" Rose insisted with a wink, "And, if that doesn't work, maybe a little talk with old McCoy might help."

That wasn't going to happen anytime soon. Kate planned on avoiding McCoy at all costs, unless it was a medical exam or an emergency. As patient as the doctor tried putting himself out to be, she wasn't in any hurry to face him, again. Memories of her last few visits to the hospital kept rushing back to her. Those last few visits hadn't ended on a high note, and she wasn't in any hurry to return to them.

She and Rose were just getting ready to leave when Kirk arrived in the mess hall with, low and behold, McCoy. The scowl written across the doctor's face told Kate that whatever Kirk did had pissed him off. Though, she had a feeling it didn't take much to do so.

"Ensign Anderson, Lieutenant Conrad," Kirk greeted both women with a broad smile, ignoring the look McCoy threw him.

"How is it you seem to know every name with four hundred and fifty crew members, sir?" Rose asked, genuinely curious.

"I take it upon myself to know every crew member," Kirk replied without missing a beat, "Isn't that right, Bones?"

"God, help me," McCoy muttered under his breath, earning a smirk from Kate.

As much as he terrified her, she was beginning to understand what he meant by 'childlike' Captain. Kate could only imagine what he put up with on a daily basis, if he saw Kirk more often than most crew members. Though she had to admit, she did enjoy Kirk's sense of humor, and the way he seemed so at ease with just about everyone.

"Anderson, I'll be seeing you tomorrow with the rest of the away team," Kirk added to Kate as her small smile disappeared in an instant.

"Yes, sir," she replied almost instantly, earning a nudge from Rose.

"At ease, ladies," Kirk finally said after noticing that McCoy had already reached a table.

"You, my friend, are in some serious need of help with that anxiety issue," Rose whispered as the two of them headed out the doors.

"You're telling me," Kate whispered back in agreement, "I don't know how much more of this my poor heart can take."

Even if she was being serious, her statement was enough for Rose to laugh. Yep, she was going to need all the help she could get. Especially if it meant she would be putting up with this for the next five years

* * *

 **AN: There's the next chapter! I'm really amazed with all the positive feedback I've been getting. Eight reviews in one chapter is a new record, for me :) I think I'm going to try and update at least once a week, or try to keep it consistent with that. Huge thank you to mirajanewolf46, Bridget0619, Howling2themoon, Ree923, Love. Fiction. 2017, s. keeper01, Fearless by Past, and ImsebastianstanButter for reviewing! You guys are amazing :D**

 **Bridget0619 - Thank you! I wouldn't necessarily say I'm that good, but I'm flattered you feel that way. Hopefully, you enjoyed this chapter as well :)**


	4. Chapter Four

**EDIT: This chapter has been edited as of 3/24/18**

 **Chapter Four**

Kate studied the notes that were taken from the scans as thoroughly as she could while waiting for the others to arrive at the transport room. According to what Spock had written down, the planet they were exploring was known as Varandu. It was still relatively new to the Federation, having only been discovered twenty years ago. Small expeditions had been sent out to scan the planet and determine whether there were inhabitants living on the planet.

From what she was able to gather, it was relatively uninhabited by anything remotely close to human intelligence. The creatures that called the planet home were mostly predators, living off of an ecosystem similar to that of a tropical rain forest. Kate noticed with a start that the planet itself was incredibly humid, and suffered from torrential downpours for most of the year. That coupled with the two moons that orbited around the planet left the terrain covered in swamps.

She also noticed that the Federation wanted to establish a possible colony on the planet if it was possible. Building a Starbase on the planet meant that ships way out in this quadrant wouldn't have to travel so far to the next base to gather necessary supplies.

"So, this is purely an away team consisting of exploring the planet to see what potential it has?" she asked when Hawkins and Green finally joined her. She spotted Kirk and Spock out of the corner of her eye as they arrived, along with Sulu following close behind.

"That's what the Captain told us," Hawkins replied with a nod, "It shouldn't be too much of a challenge between the three of us, Mr. Sulu and the Captain. Most of the planet isn't even inhabitable."

 _Then why is the Federation so interested in it_? Kate wondered after eyeing the notes once more. Though they explained in the notes Spock wrote down, she couldn't help but wonder why the Federation had taken such an interest in a planet that was clearly too hostile to establish any intelligent life.

"Small colonies are known for establishing on moons and other harsh environments to mine for minerals and other material that could be otherwise impossible to find on Earth," Spock explained as if he'd read her mind.

Kate's face faltered when she realized too late that he'd addressed her over the others.

"Keep an eye on the ship, Spock," Kirk said once he reached the room. He had been keeping everyone posted on how the mission would be addressed. At first, he considered splitting the team up to cover more ground. The problem was, Varandu happened to be twice the size of Earth, and one small away team wasn't going to be enough to cover the entire area. "We should be fine as long as we stick to your readings."

She sucked in a breath as Sulu joined the away team, eyeing her thoughtfully. She'd seen him a few times at the Academy before graduating, though she never gathered the courage to actually talk to him. Hawkins suddenly tapped her shoulder, gesturing for her to join her on the transport pad. It took everything Kate had not to bolt when she heard Kirk say, 'Energize'.

Golden lights swirled around them within seconds. Kate squeezed her eyes shut for a brief moment as the familiar sensation of being transported from one location to another followed. She could never describe the odd feeling other than what felt like pins and needles when she sat on her leg for too long.

Once she opened her eyes again, she immediately found herself standing on what little dry terrain there was on the planet. A shiver swept through her, despite the humidity that hovered around them like a thick cloud. It took a few seconds for Kate to adjust to the sudden change in climate.

Once Kate had regained her senses and was able to get her bearings, she managed to get a good view of where they were at.

Huge trees towered above them, surrounding them in large clusters. Ahead of her was nothing more than muddy, brackish water that flowed around the trees. The sound of creatures calling to one another echoed around them. Kate couldn't help but frown as she tried taking everything in at once, suddenly aware that it would take more than a few days for them to cover enough territory to call it a day.

"Why the Federation expects us to trek through this muddy water is beyond my understanding," Green complained the minute he took a step towards the swamp.

"We need to establish a base camp," Hawkins informed them after rolling her eyes, "And poking at the water isn't a good idea, Green. We don't know what sort of creatures could be living in it."

Green looked as if he was going to argue when he thought better of it.

"It's going to take more than a couple of days to scan and catalogue all of these plants," Sulu remarked.

He'd taken notice of all the different plant species that seemed to grow around them. Most of them were capable of submerging themselves completely in the water, while some grew like air plants amongst the trees.

"I told Spock we'd be a couple of days out here," Kirk reminded the helmsman. "The ship should be fine without us until then."

Kate couldn't help but look at Kirk doubtfully. Leaving the ship in Spock's hands was a good idea; after all, Spock was his First Officer. But, that didn't stop the familiar knot of anxiety from forming. She was fully aware that anything could go wrong within seconds.

With a quiet sigh, she followed the others and helped find whatever solid ground they could to establish a makeshift camp. Hawkins had packed lightly in the event that they would need to move again. She of all people knew how risky it was to stay in one place for too long on an unknown planet.

The sun was already beginning to set by the time they finished building their camp. Because the air was so dense and humid, building a fire was out of the question. They only had their flashlights to go by, which left Kate feeling even more nervous than she thought possible.

"You look more nervous than usual," Hawkins deadpanned when she finally pulled Kate to the side.

 _Of course she'd be the first to notice_ , Kate thought bitterly. With Kirk busy explaining how tomorrow's plans would unfold, she was slightly relieved to slip away for a short time. Hawkins wasn't nearly as obnoxious as Green. Plus, she seemed to understand that this wasn't something Kate had control over.

"Sorry… this is just my first away mission, and the last thing I want to do is mess everything up," she admitted. She struggled to keep herself from stuttering. Hawkins rose an eyebrow upon hearing her stammer. "I think I'm just a bit nervous."

"Anderson, you need to relax," Hawkins tried reassuring her with a small smile. "Everyone has their first away mission at some point. Hell, you're doing a better job than Green over there."

The older woman looked pointedly in Green's direction. Kate merely furrowed her brows together when she noticed Green had been lingering near the camp. He had been doing whatever he could to get into trouble some way or another. Kate hadn't missed the fact that he treated this as nothing more than a joke. He had better experience at the task than she did, though. Despite the fact that he acted like this wasn't anything serious, she saw what he was like in action.

"You say that now, until something bad happens and it turns out to be my fault," she muttered under her breath.

She waited until Hawkins was gone to say that. Her heart sank even lower as she rejoined the group, feeling Kirk's gaze bore through her as they prepared to take shifts while the others slept. Something told her this was going to go horribly wrong.

…

The sun had barely risen when Kate heard something loud splash in the water nearby. She bolted from her sleeping area, eyes wide and alert. Her heart nearly skipped a beat as she noticed that the tents inside were empty.

The first thought running through her mind was panic. Hawkins had warned her that the away team would start their expedition early. The second thought that crossed her mind was that they were likely already awake and waiting outside. It would explain the splash she heard, and that bit of reasoning gave her the resolve to investigate.

Kate half-expected to find the away team waiting for her outside. But after changing into her uniform and peering through the makeshift tent, her heart sank.

No one was around. Not even Kirk or Sulu. The only thing she could make out were tracks in the mud nearby.

 _Don't panic_ , she tried telling herself as she reached for her com. If they were anywhere near the area, she could try contacting their communicators. _But if they're in trouble, I could potentially put their lives in worse danger_.

She had to at least try. Anything was better than wandering aimlessly through the swamp.

"Anderson to the Enterprise, come in please," she called through her com. Her eyes narrowed when no response followed, only static feedback. "Anderson to the Enterprise, come in!"

Kate sucked in a breath when the same response came. She knew at that point that she was on her own. The scans from the ship hadn't shown signs of anything dangerous living on the planet. If anything had happened to the rest of the team, she would have thought that she would hear the commotion. She let out a sigh of frustration before gathering whatever material she needed. Whatever happened, she needed to keep on a level head and pull through with this, one way or another.

…

Kate grimaced when she felt warm water reach her legs when she sloshed through the swamp. The set of tracks she found led deeper into the swamp, where she had no doubt the Captain and everyone else were being kept. She hated knowing that she was the one they needed to rely on to survive this place. The goal of exploring this planet had been simple enough, and it suddenly ended in disaster.

She shook her head as she continued examining her surroundings. Most of the ground underneath was soft. Her feet would sometimes get sucked into the muck, which only slowed her down that much more. Frustration swelled within her; she knew she only had a short window of opportunity before she lost them forever.

"If this is some kind of punishment for enlisting in Starfleet with anxiety, then God help me," she mumbled under her breath.

"Actually, I think this is punishment for whatever the natives are gonna do to us." She froze at the sound of Kirk's voice. Kate looked around anxiously, eyes widening when she finally glanced up and found him. Her heart nearly skipped a beat when she realized that he was dangling by his boots from a tree branch. He looked more than relieved to see a familiar face, despite the predicament he was in. "Ensign Anderson, you mind untying these ropes?"

"What the hell happened to you?" she demanded after reaching for her phaser. He was too high up for her to climb the tree and cut the rope. Only a blast from the phaser would free him now, and she wasn't sure how safe that would be.

"I'm still trying to figure that out," he admitted. Kate rose an eyebrow, frowning as she aimed the phaser and fired at the rope. "One minute we were asleep and the next, I wake up and find myself tied up."

 _That's not entirely helpful_ , she retorted silently. She was grateful that she found him, though. Once she fired the at the rope, it broke and sent Kirk plummeting to the ground below. She couldn't help but jump when he landed into the water in a loud splash, sending water and mud all over.

"Are you alright?" she asked once Kirk recovered from his initial surprise and tried standing up.

"I will be once we find the others," he replied gruffly.

Kate couldn't help but look away at that. The others had disappeared just as quickly as he did. But, that still left her with trying to figure out why they hadn't taken her. It was strange that they would take everyone else and leave her as if she didn't amount to anything.

"Sir, I've been keeping track of where the others might be," she admitted after looking through her scans once more. She was thankful that she had taken the scanner with her before leaving the camp sight. After thoroughly checking the footprints and the path they wandered off to, it had become obvious that Kirk and the others were taken to different locations. Since Kirk was alive, she could only assume that Sulu, Hawkins and Green were also alive. At least, she hoped they were. "They can't be too far from where you were taken."

"I guess that means all we can do now is keep moving."

She gave a stiff nod of agreement. That had been her plan all along. The only thing she could hope for at that moment was that they would find them soon. Otherwise they were both in for a long, awkward silence. And something told Kate that it would only get worse as they continued their trek.

* * *

 **AN: I'm not sure whether people are still reading this or not, but I decided that since no one bothered voting on the poll, I'd replace the old chapters with my edited ones instead. This one has also been edited, and I do plan on working on the next chapter regardless of what people think. Hopefully I'll get around to it sometime next week before Easter, if not by than, I'll try having it up the week after. I can't make any promises though...**


	5. Chapter Five

**AN: I am so sorry for taking so long to post this chapter... and to be honest, I don't even feel as if it should have been posted. But, I did what I could with it, and I need to move on from there. I also went through the first four chapters and ran edits on them, so if you haven't checked them out before, please do so now if you get the chance. Thank you Love. Fiction. 2018 and ccmurphy for reviewing! Hopefully this chapter wasn't a complete bust like I feel it is...**

* * *

 **Chapter Five**

They had been trudging through the swampy water for what felt like hours now. In reality, it had only been thirty minutes since Kate had been trailing after the Captain. She kept glancing at Kirk self-consciously as she wondered how he made this look so easy. Though it was clear he kept looking for any signs of danger, he was also enjoying the trek at the same time. It seemed as if this was something that he was born to do.

 _I wish I could have that level of confidence_ , she thought bitterly.

She knew that as a Security Officer, she should have gone through screening before she was assigned to a ship. Because of her anxiety attacks, she would have been kicked off faster than she could blink. But Admiral Pike had given her clearance when he saw what she was capable of, despite her condition. He saw something in her that other Admirals and Captains had looked over, though she was never sure what that something had been.

"You have the potential to do more," he'd told her when he first approached her. "Don't ever allow your condition become your weakness."

Kate swallowed hard when she stumbled over a lifted tree root. Water sloshed around her as she struggled to maintain her footing. Kirk glanced over his shoulder when he noticed that she was struggling to keep up, despite her training. She couldn't help but cringe guiltily as she realized that she was only slowing them down. She was still trying to get used to the idea of being surrounded by murky water where she couldn't see what possible threats could attack them. This would've been the perfect spot for a predator to ambush them if they weren't paying attention.

"I hate this," she finally cut through the awkward silence that had surrounded them.

Truthfully, the silence had been grating on her nerves. Kirk was concentrating on whatever enemies were lurking in the shadows. They had seen alien creatures running along the tree branches, and Kate was almost positive she'd felt something slithering between her legs at one point. She had almost screamed at the feeling when she reminded herself that they themselves were also in danger of being captured. One wrong move could lead to disaster for everyone.

"Hate what?" Kirk asked curiously when she managed to reach him.

"Not knowing whether or not the others are okay," she admitted. Kirk rose an eyebrow, but he didn't interject like she expected. "I should have paid more attention to my surroundings when we were at the camp. I should have been more vigilant, but instead, I allowed the others to get captured, or worse."

Kirk finally nodded in understanding when he realized what had been bothering her since they left their makeshift camp. Guilt stabbed her in the chest as she thought of everything that could have been done to prevent this from happening in the first place.

"None of what happened was your fault," he pointed out knowingly. They continued moving through the swamp while talking in low voices. It helped ease the nerves that were currently wracking her mind at the moment. "None of us would've been able to predict what would happen here."

She glanced at Kirk in surprise as she noticed how easily he brushed off what could have easily been avoided. If any other Captain had seen how horribly she failed at her job, she would have been rebuked. Or worse, they would have had her court-martialed off the ship. Kirk wasn't like any other Captain, though. She had to keep reminding herself this.

"How do you make this look so easy?" she wondered out loud.

"That's all part of being on an adventure," he replied with a shrug. Kate's brows furrowed together at that. "The adrenaline of not knowing what goes where just makes it that much better."

 _You and I have a very different taste in adventure_ , Kate thought.

She remembered having a friend who had a similar view in life. Her friend would often try pulling themselves into dangerous situations that would end in disaster. When she thought back to it, she suddenly found herself wondering how they had become friends in the first place.

 _It isn't as if we ever had anything in common_ , she added silently. _I don't share anything in common with the Captain, and yet he's willing to talk to me as if I'm someone important_.

Her thoughts were interrupted by something that caught her eyes. Though, Kate was beginning to wish that she hadn't seen it in the first place. A shiver of dread swept through her when she found something that made her stomach twist with disgust, and terror.

Hanging in front of them was the corpse of Lieutenant Owen Green. It took everything Kate had not to scream at the sight. Kirk suddenly slapped a hand across her mouth when he noticed how huge her eyes had gotten, and all the blood drained from her face. The body itself had been torn apart; vines were what held it up against two large trees with the head dangling to the side.

"What the hell could have caused this?" she whispered after finally tearing her gaze from the grizzly sight.

"My guess is, whoever did this was also responsible for taking the others, along with myself," Kirk replied in a grim voice. It was the first time she'd heard him sound so serious. Kate felt a knot form in the pit of her stomach. Her heart began racing as she tried calming her already frayed nerves. She couldn't have a panic attack now all of times. "They couldn't have gotten too far… this was probably meant to be a warning for anyone trespassing."

Kate had to swallow the lump forming in the back of her throat. She had to keep telling herself that everyone would be okay. Sulu had family back home to get to. She wasn't sure about Hawkins, but any crew member was just as important.

Before she could steal her courage, Kirk led the way deeper into the swamp. The lump suddenly returned full-force as Kate reluctantly followed. She tried averting her eyes from Green's body. It was a nightmarish situation, reminding her all-too-soon why this had been a bad idea in the first place.

She was thankful that Kirk couldn't hear the pounding of her heart. Kate was positive that he would have questioned whether she was capable of pulling off the mission. Then again, even she wasn't sure if she was fit for duty. Four years of classes at the Academy hadn't prepared her for this kind of mission, where they were forced to find one of their crew members already dead.

It wasn't until they'd finally reached what appeared to be a clearing that Kate sucked in a breath.

The trees had begun parting, and the water became less noticeable. What really caught her attention was that they really weren't alone. Kate narrowed her eyes in surprise when she recognized the forms of Sulu and Hawkins. The fact that they were out in the open only left her feeling even more nervous than she thought possible.

"We aren't alone out here," she muttered under her breath.

Kirk threw her a knowing look, "Orions."

She stiffened upon seeing the green-skinned aliens returning to what appeared to be a makeshift camp. Most of them were heavily armed and muscular. It was obvious from their appearance that these were pirates. Kate's heart sank further when she realized that they were likely planning to find some way of selling Kirk, Sulu and Hawkins into the slave-trade. What concerned her more than anything was that they had ignored her presence entirely while taking them away.

"I don't get why they would take all of you but leave me," she whispered.

 _Then again, I think I already know_ , she added silently.

She noticed that there was a major difference between herself and the others on the away team. Kirk was strong and muscular, Sulu had his own skills, and Hawkins was brilliant in combat. Green had been skinny and mostly a loose-cannon, which explained why the Orions retaliated against him. Whereas she was completely useless unless she had a phaser in hand. Kate struggled to keep her thoughts on the mission at hand when she realized that she wasn't being entirely honest with herself.

"There's about four Orion warriors guarding the camp," Kirk informed her after observing the scene for a few seconds. They'd found a hiding place among the dense undergrowth. Kate thanked her lucky stars that Orions didn't have good hearing or a sense of smell like certain aliens, otherwise they'd really be up the crick. "And I'm betting dollars they have more surrounding the area before a ship arrives."

"So… what do you suggest we do?" she asked hesitantly.

If they decided to attack, they would likely be overwhelmed by sheer numbers. Even if Kate was able to succumb a panic attack – which was unlikely – she was fully aware that Orions were stronger than most humans. She couldn't shake off the sense of dread that followed as she scanned the area, already aware that Kirk was right about them having more guards. Most of them were heavily armed and guarding the area carefully, aware that there were others who were part of the away team.

"We'll need to split up," he warned her. Kate suddenly looked at Kirk in alarm when she realized what he was implying. A tight knot of fear formed in the pit of her stomach. Worst-case scenarios began playing in the back of her mind, and it took everything Kate had to suppress the sudden fear that struck her to the core. "You have your phaser, right?"

"Y-Yes," she replied. Kate winced when her voice came out in a squeak. The incredulous look Kirk gave her was something she wished she could avoid. "I'm sorry… I'm just trying to get over my nerves."

"Kate, I need you to focus on the task ahead," he reminded her. Kate's breathing hitched when he called her by her first name, and the moment their eyes met was when she saw understanding flash across his blue orbs. "Look, we need to get both Sulu and Hawkins out alive. I'm not leaving without them."

Swallowing hard, Kate gave a resolute nod of agreement, knowing that she couldn't let him down now. She tried to ignore the pounding of her heart as she rounded the corner. They were using the cover of the undergrowth, but she knew that one wrong move would give them away in a heartbeat.

The grip on her phaser suddenly tightened when Kate noticed one of the Orion pirates had begun approaching her hiding spot. Kate's breathing only intensified as she struggled to remain calm throughout the ordeal. She could hear them muttering something in their language. She still had the element of surprise.

Before the Orion could reach her, she suddenly fired her phaser without warning. Kate bit back a sigh of relief when the body hit the ground with a thud. She'd kept her phaser set to stun, knowing that death wouldn't get them anywhere.

 _Though, they do deserve to suffer for what they did to Green_ , she reminded herself, _even if he was an idiot, he didn't deserve to die like that_.

"Kirk?"

Kate froze at the sound of Sulu's groggy voice. He'd begun stirring just as Kirk reached the other side of the clearing. By that point, the other Orion pirates had begun fighting back. She was relieved that most of them were focused on Kirk, who easily held his own when one of them tried choking him.

The hammering of her heart had gotten worse when Kate felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her own neck.

"Drop your weapons now, Federation scum!" The sound of a male's voice echoed behind her, sending a shiver of rage through Kate. Her blood turned to ice when she felt the blade of a knife press against her neck, "Or your crew-mate here dies."

"You have a hell of a lot to answer for," Kirk snapped, though he'd lowered his phaser when he realized the danger they were in. Kate struggled against the Orion's grip, but he was stronger than she expected. She knew it was pointless to keep fighting back, especially when she felt the tip of his blade cut across her skin. "What are a couple of Orion pirates doing out here?"

The pirate just laughed as if that was the funniest thing he'd heard all day. It took everything she had not to ram her elbow into his stomach. Kate didn't even know if the pirate was aware of just how close she was to having a panic attack. Then again, they wouldn't care one way or another. To them, she was probably just another prize waiting to be sold off to the next highest bidder.

That thought alone sent a shiver of rage through her. She felt helpless while being held by the very intruder who was responsible for the chaos they were currently in.

"We are searching for potential fresh scum," he replied. "These two would have fetched a fine wager, along with yourself since you're clearly a Captain. _This_ one, on the other hand, isn't even worth our time."

The words came out in a sneer.

"You asshole!" Kate spat out the words faster than she thought possible.

Despite her sudden confidence, her voice came out in a terrified squeak. The pirate simply laughed in amusement and finally pushed her to the ground. He started reaching for his phaser again when Kirk suddenly fired his own phaser. The weapon was knocked out of the Orion's hands before he could pull the trigger.

"You hurt her, and you'll answer to me," he snapped, blue eyes burning with fury. "You've messed with the wrong crew."

Kate couldn't help but look at Kirk in disbelief when she realized he was fighting not only for her, but the others as well. She finally noticed that both Sulu and Hawkins had regained consciousness. Both Lieutenants wasted no time in apprehending the other pirates that closed in on them.

"Anderson, are you alright?" Hawkins asked after noticing that she was bleeding.

At first, Kate couldn't answer. She kept looking between the rest of her away team and the pirates that surrounded them. While they finally had the upper hand in numbers, that didn't make her feel any better. A familiar rush of panic began resurfacing. The pirate that spoke to them was now glaring daggers at herself and Kirk.

"Anderson!" Kirk's voice echoed in the background as her vision began to blur. "Kate, stay with me!"

He finally ignored the pirate that tried grabbing hold of him and reached her just as she was about to collapse. The panic had only gotten worse. Kate couldn't hear anything other than the ringing of her ears. She finally had to close her eyes as everything began overwhelming her.

…

"What the hell just happened?" Sulu asked once it became clear that she'd lost consciousness.

Kirk frowned as he studied her carefully. To his relief, she wasn't dead. She was losing a lot of blood, though. They needed to get her to medbay faster rather than later.

"You're asking the wrong person, Sulu," he replied with a shake of his head. "Hawkins, send a message alert to the Enterprise; we need to leave this place before more pirates show up."

The fact that Orion pirates had been on the planet left his blood boiling, especially after hearing what the pirate said about Anderson and the others. He was suddenly thankful that they found the team in time. If anything had happened to Sulu or Hawkins, he wouldn't have forgiven himself.

"It looks to me as if she suffered from a major panic attack," Hawkins mused thoughtfully. She'd quickly sent a message to the Enterprise, hopeful that it would be answered quickly. Kirk threw her an incredulous look. "My sister used to suffer from them all the time when she was younger; she was terrible around crowds and new situations. This is no different."

Kirk looked at Anderson warily after realizing that Hawkins had a valid point. He should have seen the signs himself. If she did suffer from panic attacks, it left him wondering how she was able to enlist in Starfleet in the first place. Something told him he was going to find out sooner or later, and the answers weren't going to be pretty.


	6. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six**

Starfleet rarely allowed individuals with symptoms that led to panic attacks or any other disorders that could lead to disasters such as yesterday's incident. It was a wonder that casualties hadn't been worse. Anderson was the only one who'd sustained any serious injuries. Her quick thinking was what had saved the two women. Kirk and Sulu just barely escaped the Orions, and with Green's death labeled as murder, everyone had been talking about the mission that went so horribly wrong.

She sat at the corner of her biobed as she listed through all the misdemeanors Giotto had thrown at her when Hawkins spilled the beans. The corners of her mouth were tilted into a frown as she let out a heavy sigh. McCoy had been watching the young woman out of the corner of his eye every now and then, fully aware of her nervous disposition. Given how she reacted upon the planet and her own medical exam, he should have seen the signs of a panic attack when he she had one. Annoyingly, the woman did a good job at hiding them.

"I don't know why I signed up for this in the first place," she finally spoke out loud, catching McCoy by surprise. "All I ever seem to do is mess up, and just when things are starting to look up."

Well, at least she was finally being honest with herself. McCoy thought of reaming her out, thought of chewing her out for everything she had when she put everyone's lives in danger. But, something held him back. Seeing the look of rejection written across her face was almost _painful_.

"I know it ain't in my place to ask, but what made you think of enlisting in Starfleet, especially if you're prone to panic attacks?" McCoy finally deadpanned.

Of all the people who could, in a way, sympathize with her, it was him. After all, he didn't want to be stuck in these metal death traps anymore than she wanted a panic attack to hit. Even if he wasn't fond of being trapped on a ship like this, he still performed his job as admirably as he could. What happened on that planet could have easily been avoided had she warned the medical team of her conditions.

"Pike convinced me," she shrugged, refusing to make eye contact as McCoy looked at her in surprise, "He said I had potential to follow in my father's footsteps… but, after what happened to him, I wanted nothing to do with Starfleet."

"What'd your dad do?"

Considering this was the first real conversation he was having with the same woman who tried avoiding medbay since her medical exam, he figured that was a win in itself. Though, judging from the way her face fell, it wasn't a happy story.

"He died, four years ago," she explained warily. McCoy's face fell with realization, and he clamped his mouth shut as she looked down at the wall thoughtfully, "It was a freak accident, they told me. Something that shouldn't have happened, during a malfunction on a Starship. He along with thirty other Officers were killed, that day."

McCoy sucked in a breath when he caught the look written across her face.

 _Way to go, McCoy_ , he mentally scolded himself. He should have known better than to bring up family. He was ready to say something else when the doors slid open. If he wasn't so relieved for the random distraction, McCoy would've slapped Kirk for barging in on him.

"How's she doing, Bones?" Kirk asked once he strode across medbay and reached him.

Anderson had stopped talking, and she was now looking once again at anything but them. McCoy held back a sigh of frustration as he realized that was just another symptom of extreme anxiety.

"What do you think?" McCoy grumbled, crossing his arms when he realized that what little progress he made with her went down the toilet. "Ya know, when Giotto reamed her out for lyin' to him, I thought I'd heard it all. Things could've gone better if you'd been there."

Truth be told, Giotto was anything but happy with the way Anderson handled the situation. Hawkins hadn't been any better with her temperament making things worse. Anderson had already built a wall, and it was going to take more than a few words to climb over it. Maybe a long talk with a therapist would help resolve the problem at hand. But there was only so much a therapist could do on a ship like this. A panic attack was going to happen again. It was inevitable, and no one wanted to admit that she was more of a liability now than an asset.

"Look, I'm sorry," Kirk sighed, his voice dropping to a whisper as he knelt down beside McCoy, "I had to get a few things cleared with Admiral Archer before we continued on. The Orions shouldn't have been there in the first place."

"Even if that is the case, I'd hardly consider what happened back there a win. Losing a life is never a win in my book," McCoy scoffed, gesturing to Anderson and the fact that Lieutenant Green had also been killed during that mission. Kirk just looked at him sheepishly, and McCoy rubbed the temple of his forehead in frustration, "Jim, you talk to her. Or, find someone she can talk to without freaking out on me."

Kirk must have considered his options, because he fell silent and looked at Anderson thoughtfully. There seemed to be more than a few unanswered questions that were left out in the open. Which left McCoy wondering how once again, Anderson got accepted into Starfleet in the first place. Pike must've pulled some heavy strings to get her enlisted.

"Alright, I'll talk to her," Kirk finally relented, earning a look from McCoy. The gleam in his eyes was enough of a reminder why McCoy rarely let him talk to his patients, especially if they were women in particular, "Without you in the room. It's obvious she's terrified of you, Bones."

McCoy was ready to argue when he thought better of it. After finding out that Anderson did suffer from severe panic attacks, and the confrontation with Giotto and Hawkins, he was in serious need of a drink. He'd let Kirk deal with Anderson for the time being. Maybe the Captain would have a better chance of finding a way of getting through her head.

"You make one move on her, Kirk, and you'll be answerin' to a hypospray with your name written on it," he growled out the words after standing up from where he'd been sitting for the last couple of hours. "I've got enough crap to worry about with you makin' it worse."

"Don't worry about it, Bones," Kirk clasped a hand over McCoy's shoulder, and the doctor scowled in annoyance as he brushed off his hand, "I've got this handled."

"Handled my ass," McCoy grumbled under his breath as he left, shaking his head in grim amusement.

God, help him. It would take more than a few drinks to get him through these next five years.

…

She'd been staring at the data PADD for what felt like hours now. When McCoy talked to her for the first time for just a few minutes, Kate felt the weight suddenly returning to her chest. On any normal occasion, she would have been happy to avoid talking to the good doctor. He may have tried making things somewhat more tolerable, but in the end, she just couldn't bring herself to open up to him. The familiar spark of fear that made its way into her chest kept her from talking any further than she had.

Kate scowled as she thought of how miserably she'd failed on that planet.

The anxiety attack had occurred so suddenly that she wasn't given a chance to react to it. Hawkins and Kirk were the ones who ended up saving their sorry asses. Kate knew she was in for an earful the moment they were beamed back aboard the ship. Hawkins had been furious, and understandably so. When she lost consciousness just as the transporters were about to beam them up, she knew she was in deep trouble. The worst part of it was waking up after they'd arrived in the transport rooms, just as the medical team arrived.

 _Now, what am I going to do_? she wondered, suddenly aware that everyone now knew of her 'condition', as Giotto had 'politely' described it.

As if getting an earful from Hawkins wasn't embarrassing enough, Giotto had charged into medbay with a look of fury written across his face. She knew from the look of disappointment and anger that he wouldn't let her back on the job any time soon.

Now, she sat in medbay to await whatever punishment McCoy or Kirk gave her. Giotto had already banned her from working in Security until she straightened herself out. It meant that she held no position on the ship, and she could just as easily be left behind on a Starbase, somewhere. The thought sent a shiver of fear through her. She couldn't imagine being dumped on some miserable Starbase far from everything she knew, but it was a real possibility, and one that left her mind churning with anxiety.

"Pike was the one who convinced you to enlist, wasn't he?"

Kate glanced at Kirk in surprise when he grabbed a chair and pulled it up, sitting down as he looked at her thoughtfully.

"Yes, sir," she replied.

Her throat tightened with that familiar sense of fear. Talking to Giotto had been the least of her problems. McCoy was at least a little easier, because she knew what to expect out of the southern doctor. Kirk, was a whole different story. He was the Captain, and the highest authority on the ship. Though, McCoy would've likely argued with that notion.

"Look, Anderson," Kirk started, then cleared his throat, "Kate," he quickly corrected, earning a look of disbelief from her, "Formality really isn't needed unless you're on the bridge, or unless we're on duty. Right now, it's neither, so, you can drop the act."

It took everything she had not to bolt from the biobed and look for some form of escape. The room suddenly felt as if it was getting smaller, and her breathing became quick and labored. She couldn't explain these anxiety attacks. They happened so randomly that it became overwhelming.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, finally dropping her gaze as Kirk frowned and leaned forward.

"You wanna talk about it?"

She blinked in surprise at the soft way he spoke. Despite the obvious tension in the room, Kate found herself looking back at Kirk, noting his blue eyes were dark with concern.

"I'm sure by now that everyone knows I suffer from severe anxiety," she muttered, the bitterness in her own voice taking Kirk by surprise. "I'm guessing you're looking for some excuse to dump me off at a Starbase where I can work out my problems."

"Of course, not," Kirk snorted, as if he couldn't believe what he heard. "Bones is already working out a way to help you, if you're willing to accept it."

Kate grimaced at the thought of letting another doctor try and 'help' her. The last time she tried letting a doctor offer any help, it ended miserably, with her life at stake. She immediately thought of arguing, hoping that she could avoid having to work alongside McCoy all-together.

"I'm not exactly a fan of doctors, especially one with as terrible bedside manner as McCoy," she admitted, trying to keep her voice from sounding so shaken.

She knew Kirk would see right through her fear. Lying, at this point, was obvious. At least if he understood a small part of her fear towards medical visits, maybe he could figure out a way to prevent them at all. Though, she doubted McCoy would allow that to happen.

"Believe me, Kate, you're not the only one who hates doctors and hospitals," Kirk laughed it off.

She looked at him in surprise, noticing for the first time that the tension from earlier had dissipated.

"How exactly did someone who hates doctors become best friends with one, then?" she asked incredulously.

"That's a good question," Kirk admitted, running a hand through his hair while putting some thought into it.

She'd heard enough stories of how Kirk and McCoy became friends. From what she gathered, their friendship had been strained, at the beginning. Eventually, Kirk wormed his way into McCoy's heart. And while there were still obviously a few cat fights, here and there, between them, she could see that McCoy clearly cared about Kirk.

"Guess we sort of needed each other, at the time," he finally shrugged. "Bones may not be the easiest person to get along with, but he does care… in his own way. Just give him a chance; he may surprise you."

Silence followed as Kate considered her options. She could always turn it down, and just accept whatever punishment followed. Yet, there was the small voice in the back of her head that told her she should accept. That things would get better, in the long run.

"Alright," she finally relented, knowing that if anything, maybe this would help with her 'condition'. "When do I start?"

"As soon as Bones is sober enough to hold a decent conversation," Kirk replied, offering a wide smile.

She couldn't help but return the gesture, already guessing what he meant by that. If McCoy was anything like the rumors suggested, he was probably drinking away his problems. Not that Kate didn't blame him. If there was any alcohol in the vicinity, she would have likely done the same thing.

"So, what now?" she asked after Kirk stood up and reached her. Once again, Kate found herself looking at Kirk, feeling that same rush of anxiety sweeping through her. She had to keep her breathing in check, and make sure that dizziness didn't try overwhelming her. Kirk had been kind enough to not send her away, and, she couldn't thank him enough for that. "I'm not even sure where to begin, and anytime I get so nervous, I just start—"

"Talking?" Kirk guessed, grinning once more when he caught what she was doing.

"Yeah," she breathed out. Heat rose to her cheeks when she noticed Kirk was watching her every move. Since she was placed in a separate room from the rest of medbay, Kate was thankful no one had been watching them. She could only imagine the embarrassment that would follow if anyone caught her, now. "I'm sorry."

Kirk took her by surprise with another charming smile. If she didn't know any better, she would have thought he was getting a kick out of seeing her this way. All nervous and ruffled around the Captain. Then again, he was probably used to it by now.

"It's alright, Kate," he reassured her, "You'll be fine."

Kate simply returned the gesture with a smile of her own. For once, she believed him. It was the first time she ever felt any sense of hope in getting out of these anxiety attacks. Anything was better than putting herself through them again.

* * *

 **AN: I know it's been ages since I've last written a chapter for this, and I apologize deeply for that. Truth be told, I did have this chapter typed out, but I wasn't sure how readers would receive it. I guess I'm just as bad as Kate when it comes to worrying over what people think of my stories ^^**

 **I also wanted to let everyone know that I've started a crossover fic. The first chapter is posted, so if anyone is interested in that (again, extreme anxiety over what people will think of it kind of kept me from posting it in the first place), please feel free to check it out. Thanks again for your patience, and thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story so far. I will continue working on it, but it's going to take time for me to post new chapters (hopefully not too long).**


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